Admitting I Am Afraid of Readers
Yesterday I wrote about how writing is often a source of stress for me: by obsessing over quantity, quality, popularity, and frequency, I have turned a fundamentally beautiful activity into a significant mental health hazard.
In his response to my post, Mark Starlin said that the thought of sharing his work for the enjoyment of readers gives him joy. After mulling over his comment the entire day, I finally understand one of the main reasons for my writing-related anxieties: I am afraid of readers.
Sure, I appreciate the idea of sharing my work with other people. I also understand the pointlessness of writing something if no one would ever read it.
Yet, when it’s time to hit the publish button, the thought of putting my writing out there terrifies me.
Some fears are irrational. Others are grounded in personal history and/or trauma. I might need to take more time to think about my case. I have a feeling it might be a bit of both.
Right now, the first step is admitting that I have a problem.
I am a writer who is afraid of being read.